You mean that much to me

song: night time by the xx

i don't think i'm going to be posting on here anymore. i'm not really into the quotes. i mostly just come on to look at pictures. i'm still gonna keep my personal and pictures sites, so i'll link them on here. you may see me around on here still, commenting and finding new sites. but for now, here's one last quick post:

Do you understand? It's only you, beautiful. Or I don't want anyone. If I can choose, it's only you.

Sometimes you just need someone to look forward to seeing you everyday.

These are the days where we sit and contemplate exactly what this could have been. But it's too late, we've both made our own mistakes. But I swear that I can still hear you say that: "What I miss the most is driving in your car being careful to sing low, but you still heard every note that I sang." I'll sing your song and every single word you wrote for me.

i don’t miss him, i miss who i thought he was. its amazing what time apart really does.

Every relationship is messed up. But what makes it perfect is that you still want to be there when things really suck.

Even though we're no longer together, I still care about you. Not in the same way, of course. But that's me; I won't just leave the one I once loved out alone in the dark.

It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known him. If he's had you smiling since day one, don’t ever lose him.

I love you.
Not maybe, not tomorrow, not someday,
right now - at this very moment.
I realized something. I need you.
I trust you, I admire you, I want you. 
and you can be wrong a lot of the time,
and we can fight, and get mad at each other,
but nothing, nothing in this world
can change the fact that I love you.

Happy Birthday...

To me!

I'm so obnoxious :p But how awesome is it, my birthday is on 10/10/10 this year. I made a wish at 10:10 and it felt even more epic. It's even better than the rest of you cause, well, it's my birthday :p god look at me. Enough ego to go around. Anyway, I thought I'd do a quick little post. I can't believe all the views I got on the last one, that's pretty awesome. Especially cause I don't go on here much anymore. But I had a really good day, even if it was incredibly long and I want to sleep. So here's my little gift to you (:

It’s hard when you miss people. But you know if you miss someone, that means you’re lucky. It means you had someone special in your life, someone worth missing.

Don't force them to love you. Force them to leave you and whoever insists to stay is the one who truly loves you.

I wonder if it's okay to cry over you, cause we were never anything special. I just thought we could be.

We crossed paths for a reason.
The planets align in the particular season.
 It's clear to me, that we'll eventually be inseparable.
I love your existence, I can't get enough

Every time I think of you, I think of all the ways you could possibly leave me. Then I think that is selfish, because I'm really thinking of all the ways you could leave everyone. I think only of myself.

We’re so busy looking out for what’s ahead of us that we don’t take time to stop and enjoy where we are.

-Bill Watterson

At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we were made. So, you can waste your life drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them.

"I Wanna Hold Your Hand." First single. Fucking brilliant. Perhaps the most fucking brilliant song ever written. Because they nailed it. That's what everyone wants. Not 24-7 hot wet sex. Not a marriage that lasts a hundred years. Not a Porsche or a blow job or a million dollar crib. No. They wanna hold your hand. They have such a feeling that they can't hide. Every single successful love song of the past fifty years can be traced back to "I Wanna Hold Your Hand." And every single successful love story has those unbearable and unbearably exciting moments of hand-holding. Trust me. I've thought a lot about this.
- Nick And Norah's Infinite Playlist

Nobody is bored when they're trying to create something or discover something that it true.
-William Ralph Inge

what is cute? cute is young and inexperienced. cute is holding hands in the car, and kissing at the red lights. what is sexy? sexy is standing in the rain as you push me against the hood of your car, tearing at my shirt, as you kiss me with the intent to never stop. what is passion? passion is knowing what you want and stopping at nothing until you get it. what is beautiful? beautiful is all about the inside of a person. beauty can only be found in the heart. what is love? love is the amazing balance of all of these things, in your mind, body and soul.

Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person that you are.

--Kurt Cobain

Unless it is mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it is a waste of time.There are too many mediocre things in life. Love should not be one of them.

"sex is emotion in motion."

"If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character, would you slow down? Or speed up?" -Chuck Palahniuk

Life is simple. We all want love, in any and every form.
- John Mayer.

i'm too tired so no pictures again. sorry :(

<3

You're too good to me

arrrgh i am not fucking this up. there is no way in hell i am letting myself fuck this up, not after all this time.

Stop being paralyzed. Stop swallowing your words. Stop caring about what other people think.

Where the heart is willing, it will find a thousand ways;
where it is unwilling, it will find a thousand excuses.

"The only reason I hate you now is because I loved you then."

hm..this^.

A piano might fall on your head but it also might not and in the meantime, you never know, something nice might happen.

Rock bottom is good solid ground and a dead end street is just a place to turn around.

We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. You will recall sexual trysts with this person that never technically occurred. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real - but you create the context. And context is everything. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.
- Killing Yourself to Live by Chuck Klosterman

“Forget all those places you’ve never really been, and all those situations you somehow found yourself in. Let your body sink into me like your favorite memory, like a line of poetry, or a fucking fit of honesty. I’ll do my best to keep you, keep you sleepy as the south with my old watch on your wrist, and my thumbs inside my mouth. Suck on the fingertips until you kill all my prints so your boyfriend has no clue of how I’ve been touching you.”

Her Space Holiday -Something To Do With My Hands

lately, i've realized that all i really need is somebody who will listen to my bullshit, call me out on my bullshit, and love me despite my bullshit.

What's worse than wanting something you can't have? It's not knowing what you want. Wishing on all the stars in the sky for the answers to your questions, for something to believe in; someone to hold. Having absolutely no control over yourself, being caught up in a place you wish you were miles away from. Being stuck somewhere between the past and the future, nowhere near where you should be - in the present. Stuck in yesterdays and tomorrows, so far from home, far from everything you know and love. The uncertainty could just about tear you to bits.

You taught me many things, like how it feels to miss someone so bad it feels like a part of you is missing. I can tell you one thing, now that you have gone I never will forget you. You left your mark.

Well the books that I've read sit by the bed, they help me get through the day.  And if words are a drug, my grave has been dug, I can't seem to put them away.  And yesterdays plans, like dirt on my hands, remind me there's more to be done.  I pray that the youth might look for the truth and hope it's already begun.

I feel like I'm forcing myself to like him, to hold on. Like I'm not content with just being on my own. Because when I don't like someone there is nothing to look forward to. Nothing to get me out of bed in the morning and look cute. But then again there is no disappointment either.

Consider how hard it is to change yourself, and you’ll understand what little chance you have of changing others.

-Jacob M. Braude

I am in love with words. Words that touch. They may hurt but they touch, that's what counts.

maybe this is how it is all supposed to feel.
maybe the awkwardness in the spaces between our fingers is meant to be this way.
maybe your crooked smile really is my one true weakness,
and i’m finally finding it out for my own.
maybe slow and steady does always win the race.
well at least that’s what i was promised.
maybe i’m just as confused as the rest of you,
but we’re all just going along, rolling with the punches,
because maybe we all don’t know what to feel sometimes
so we take the leap and go for it anyway.
and maybe i positively love where this is going.
(c) sunsetcountdown_quotes
yes yes yes

Being scared is caused mostly by thinking.

I don't think writers are any smarter than other people. I think they may be more compelling in their stupidity, or in their confusion.

I get weak.
I get weary.
I miss sleep.
I get moody.
I'm in thoughts.
I write songs.
I'm in love.
I walk on.

I don't have a fear of commitment; I have a fear of abandonment. We all screw things up. I screw things up, especially with the people I love. I get needy, I get moody, I get distant, I want to be too close. I get confused, I don't understand all of it. But I keep pushing because I have hope in this thing, the universe. There's no way I'm the only person out there who wants it this bad. If I want it, someone else out there must too.
(except i do have a fear of commitment, but yes)

i think i'm in love with possibilities. or maybe it's just the idea of possibilities, that i actually have the chance to do great things with great people and make great memories to tell people at a later date. i want to be the girl in the pictures laughing and smiling with incredible stories to tell. stories about dancing in the pouring rain and spinning with friends in the starlight till we all fell down and ridiculously nervy conversations with strangers whose names escape me. stories about running from the cops with a bunch of faceless troublemakers and driving on the highway with the windows down and swearing that life could not get any better than this. i want to take advantage of living with eyes open.
(c) sunsetcountdown_quotes

"I don't know...It's like she's incredibly lonely. But too scared of getting close to anyone at the same time."

The only thing worse for you than you is me.

You seem so afraid, afraid you'll regret getting closer and connected to me.  And I feel like that, too.  But I'm scared, scared you'll leave while you still feel you can.

Your heart is charcoal, smoking black.
Why don't you just tie the mattress to your back?

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time.  I want what's yours and I want what's mine.  I want you but I'm not giving in this time.

I fill mounds of scrap paper and files upon files of this over-sentimental bullshit that parades through me.
My eyes are dry from reading excerpts upon excerpts of my own words repeated with synonyms.
I have an incapability to not repeat the past.
And I have no idea how to change my footing.

RANT god damn, i was just trying to enjoy myself, down here alone. and for a while i did, until my sister comes home and comes downstairs to practice her shit with her own music playing. i can at least listen to my music through headphones, but not her. i hate hearing other music when i'm trying to listen to mine. i also hate stomping/loud walking. one of the worst parts about being downstairs is hearing my mom walk around like a fucking elephant. plus either my phone or his is not working. i'm in a weird mood tonight, and i don't really like it. i go from being as happy as i could possibly be one night to upset and pissed off the next, for no reason. i should be happy. grr life.

also this post was mostly for me, cause i needed to something, and i figured out this was what i needed to do.

<3

You have stolen my heart

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TH9c-izhao&NR=1

what is this? i'm actually making an update? i know, it's unbelievable. but it's true. maybe. hopefully. if i don't get too distracted.

you're amazing, you know that?
you see me breaking, falling apart, so full of hatred, and yet you love me.
you see me crying, weak and yet remain un-phased.
i don't know how you can love me, but whatever it is i hope it doesn't go away.

so, what? we only talk when it's convenient for you? what about the times i
lie in bed, clutching my tear-stained pillow over my throbbing mouth, try-
ing to contain a scream that's releasing all these exploding nerve endings?
what, are you too busy playing xbox to bother texting back? jackass.
(c) rawrr_x1399

And now I'm standing on my rooftop I
Sure could use someone to talk to
Somone to make this alright
'Cause I'm done pretending

"But there’s something in me that just keeps going on. I think it has something to do with tomorrow, that there is always one, and that everything can change when it comes."

each one of us continues to carry the heart of each self we've ever 
been, at every stage along the way, and a chaos of everything good
and rotten. and we have to carry this weight all alone, through each 
day that we live. we try to be as nice as we can to the people we love, 
but we alone support the weight of ourselves.

A drop in the ocean, a change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert.
But I'm holding you closer than most
cause you are my heaven

I guess my expectations were too high and maybe I'm the one to blame, and I guess you weren't as good as I thought. You gave me such false hope. Here's to broken promises and unfinished sentences.

I have this connection with him, though he doesn't see it. It's like I turn around without a reason I can think of and he's either passing by or is standing nearby. I can pick him out of a crowd of over a hundred almost instantly sometimes. It's almost as if I can feel his presence.

There's nothing scarier then getting what you want. 
because that's when you really have something to lose.

"I could have saved so much time for us
Had I seen the way to get to where I am today
You waited on me for so long
So now listen to me say

I need to be bold
Need to jump in the cold water
Need to grow older with a girl like you
Finally see you were naturally
The one to make it so easy when you showed me the truth
Yeah, yeah Id rather be with you
Say you want the same thing too

Say you feel the way I do"

- I'd Rather Be With You by Joshua Radin
i think i already know the answer to this.. (:

Because for some reason every teenager is breaking something.
Walls, arms, phones, and hearts. So maybe that's why this is the
hardest time of our life, because we're never quite whole.
(c) yourbreakingme_qts

xanga is kind of making me sad. so many people are caught up on a guy. you don't know how many quotes i read about missing someone and/or wanting them back. i wish i could explain how good it feels to be moved on. it's such a good feeling. i know how hard it is, believe me. i know it can't happen until it's supposed to happen. but i just hope you try. you never forget about those people, but you can make room for more.

<3

It's a beautiful day; don't let it get away

song: beautiful day by U2

hello (: how is everyone? i'm... alright. we fell apart but i'm okay with it. i want school to be over. only two more weeks till exams! but my summer probably won't be too exciting. as long as there's no school i'm happy though. i'm sure you can relate ;)

It is in all of us to defy expectations. To go into the world and to be brave and to want, to need, to hunger for adventures. To embrace change and chance and risk, so that we may breathe and know what it is to be free.

Sometimes I wonder if you ever think of us. 
And what happened between us. 
Or really, what never happened between us. 
I wonder if you even care.

Cause i still think one day we'll be together.Maybe not today, or tommorow, or next year. But one day, i promise. WE WILL.
(c) kaaja.xanga.com

No matter how many plans we make or steps we follow, we never know how our day is going to end up. We'd prefer to know, of course, what curve balls will be thrown our way. It's the accidents that always turn out to be the most interesting parts of our day, the people we never expected to show up, a turn of events we never would have chose for ourselves. All of a sudden you find yourself somewhere you never expected to be and it's nice, or it takes some getting used to. Still, maybe you’ll find yourself appreciating it somewhere down the line. So you go to sleep each night thinking about tomorrow, going over your plans, preparing for them, and hoping that whatever accidents come your way will be happy ones.

I fell in love with books. Some people find beauty in music, some in painting, some in landscape, but I find it in words. By beauty, I mean the feeling you have suddenly glimpsed another world, or looked into a portal that reveals a kind of magic or romance out of which the world has been constructed, a feeling there is something more than the mundane, and a reason for our plodding.

It's like that morning, I woke up and I didn't hurt anymore because of you. My heart is slowly starting to heal and I want to thank you, for teaching me that love does exist. I don't regret anything that happened, and I wouldn't take it back for the world. I was happy. You made me happy. Thank you.
(c) tellmeyoulovemeplease

after everything, after that, after all that we’ve been through, you're still here, i am still alive, and we're friends. i can’t seem to make out why it is that I need you. why you? out of everyone i’ve ever had. it’s you. maybe it’s because i see the silver lining tracing the clouds that reflect in your blue eyes. those eyes that shine above the rest. the ones that never change their reflection. even in the darkest of times, i still see it. those eyes, your eyes, give me the same hope i see in you every day. if you lose hope, i lose it too. if you lose hope, i lose my friend, my life, my happiness. you don’t give up on me. you're the only one i have left. i’ve watched so many people walk away, but you, you have always remained here beside me. laughing, smiling, crying, screaming. you've been through it all. you see, while everyone is walking out, i’ll be the one person, the only person, that stays. i’m not going anywhere.

Isn’t it nice to know that you haven’t yet laughed, all that you’ll laugh? That you haven’t yet met, some of your very best friends? And that you haven’t yet dreamed, all that you’ll manifest? That all bridges will be mended? That all sadness will be healed? And that life never ends? That all of your challenges will be won? That all of your triumphs will be shared? And that the difference you’ll make, has already begun? Well, it is for me, because I also know that if you don’t see these things yet, you will. Could it get any better?

The heart that has truly loved never forgets.

laying there with your arms around me, i felt so comfortable and safe. my heart was beating a mile a minute having you so close to me. as you played with my hair and kissed me, i couldn't help but smile straight from my heart. i could see how much you cared from the look in your eyes. it made me never want to let you go, to just stay wrapped in your arms forever, where nothing else matters but you and me.

here's to the kids. this is for you.
the kids who would rather spend their night with a bottle of jones soda & bright eyes playing on their headphones than go to some vomit-stained highschool party. here's to the kids whose 11:11 wish was wasted on one person who will never be there for them. here's to the kids whose idea of a good night watching the stars. here's to the kids who never were too good at life, but still were wicked cool. here's to the kids who listened to fall out boy and hawthorne heights before they were on MTV...and blame MTV for ruining their life. here's to the kids who care more about the music then the haircuts. here's to the kids who have crushes on a stupid lush. here's to the kids who hum "last chance to lose your keys" when they're stuck home, dateless, on a saturday night. here's to the kids who have ever had a broken heart... from someone who didnt even know they existed. here's to the kids who have read the perks of being a wallflower & didn't feel so alone after doing so. here's to the kids who spend their days in photobooths with their best friend(s). here's to the kids who are straight up smartasses & just don't care. here's to the kids who speak their minds. here's to the kids who consider screamo their lullaby for going to sleep. here's to the kids who second-guess themselves on everything they do. here's to the kids who will never have 100 percent confidence in anything they do,
and to the kids who are okay with that.

You might be upset and sure you have a reason to be,  but how many reasons do you have to be happy? A lot more.

“I guess I never let you go, because in the back of my mind I still believe that someday we'll get our second chance.”

"I've lived. I've really really lived. I've failed. I've been devastated. I've been broken. I've gone to hell and back. And I've also known joy. And passion. And I've had a great love. See death for me is not justice. It's an end of a beautiful journey. And I'm not afraid to die. The question is, are you?"
-Grey's Anatomy season finale, 2010.

you don’t choose who you fall for. you just fall and you get this person who is all wrong, but yet so right. you know that you like them so much, except sometimes they drive you insane and no one can explain.

Maybe one day, we'll meet again.
when our two roads meet the same
dead end.

As great as we could have been, we weren't. 
And there's no point of dwelling on what we 
could have had 'cause it won't happen. 
You didn't waste your time, I did. 

She wants him. She can`t deny it. She`s just so confused.
'Cause when she thinks back to the day he shattered her,
she trembles at the thought of feeling like that again.

somewhere we went wrong
we were once so strong
you forgot about me.

i don't care about you anymore, not like that anyways. but when i'm around you every single day, why do i feel so invisible? it's like i don't even matter, at all.
(c) tellmeyoulovemeplease
^ awesome site right there

We deserved to be so much more.
(c) hidden_disaster

I'm afraid of saying goodbye to you. After everything that happened between us, goodbye seems so unfair.
(c) hidden_disaster

^looking for alaska, greatest book ever.

now i gotta go get ready to line some soccer games.

<3